And then there are movies that have never been good, but that I loved when I was a child. Let's be frank, shall we? We all loved some really awful things as children. In my childhood things like Care Bears and He-Man were popular. He-Man is about a guy who lives in a technologically advanced world but fights with swords, who wields space magic to be immensely strong and explore the cosmos. Basically, it is Conan the Barbarian meets Buck Rodgers. Terrible idea. And yet every boy of my generation thought it was the greatest thing ever.
Here's the issue: I have so many wonderful memories from my childhood. Included in those memories are favorite movies that I would repeatedly watch over and over. I loved those movies. Yet looking back through the murky fog of my memory I wonder about the quality of those films. I mean, did you ever get the opportunity to watch a movie you simply loved as a kid, only to spend your time aghast, wondering how this movie got to be so bad?
I had that experience with Superman II. I adored all the Superman movies as a kid (except #4, I think I knew how terrible that one was even as a child) and would watch them countless times. I remember loving especially #2, with the epic showdown between Supes and General Zod. Then I watched it again when I was about 24. Somehow, Superman II became full of terrible dialogue, questionable acting, poor pacing, and bad overall direction (I know now the powers-that-be replaced Richard Donner before he had a chance even to finish filming). Someone replaced the dreaded bad guys from my memory of the movie with guys who just posed a lot and told us they were bad guys. Something about my childhood died the day I rewatched Superman II.
With such a bad experience I am absolutely loath to watch more of my favorites from my younger years. I'm staying away from Superman III. I loved Transformers: The Movie (the animated one). I hear some people say it's not that bad, but do I risk it? There was another that I loved called The Last Electric Knight (I think that was the full title). It was some kung fu kid beating up bad guys. THAT one I'm positive would be painful to watch now.
But my absolute favorite movie as a kid was called Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. I loved it. It was a straight-to-TV movie in 1985 about a kid, an old guy, some Ewoks, an alien army with their witch, and some cross between The Flash and an Ewok.
In other words, this movie has "annoying" written all over it. How bad is it? I point to exhibit A, the poster for the movie:
Just look at this horrible, horrible artwork. Look at that. You can never un-see something that bad.
This is a movie that forgets that the Ewoks don't even live on Endor -they live on the forest moon of Endor. EVERYONE knows this!
The plot, so far as I can remember, is that the kid is stranded on Endor (really the forest moon) after his parents are killed by bad guys. The kid is helped by Ewoks and some old dude and the aforementioned giant speedy rodent. They steal a power source that the bad guys think is magic, fix a broken ship and have a happy ending after a brutal final "defend the alamo" type of showdown.
Of course, I'm sure that none of those elements are nearly so good as they are in my memory. If I think hard enough I can almost discern very terribly awful acting. I also seem to remember the Ewoks talking, which simply cannot be a good sign.
I remember enjoying this show so much it still brings happy feelings. Why should I spoil that by watching this abomination again today? I think I'll just keep the good memories and stay away.
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