Honestly, there is no denying that this is in almost every way a bad movie. The plot is nonsense: the good guys need to keep the magic space cube safe from the bad guys, or evil wrong things happen. I remember sitting in the theater and hearing the opening line: "In the beginning was the cube." I proceeded to laugh at the writing for about 15-20 seconds, then turned my brain off for the rest of the picture.
The acting is abysmal. Shia LaBeouf (hereafter called "TheBeef") and Megan Fox turn in sub-high school drama performances, aided by an assortment of other b-grade support actors and a few cameos. In the mind of director Michael Bay, good acting seems to be posing his leading lady in the most suggestive ways and outfits possible.
The action is frenetic and confusing: when the space robots are fighting it is extremely hard to tell what is going on, and in some cases hard to tell why we should care.
And yet I liked it. I just couldn't help liking it. It's probably the kid in me that grew up with 500 transformer toys, but I was often left with a "that was great!" feeling for no real reason. Perhaps it was those moments like Optimus Prime transforming on the highway to deal serious punishment to Decepticons. Perhaps it was the way they just seemed to get the Starscream/Megatron relationship right. I don't know. I just liked it.
Not to say it couldn't have been better. Boy, it could have been better. Let's have more of the robots please, and less of the idiot humans. Let's try to develop the characters of the transformers themselves, instead of trying to insert toilet humor into things. Here's a bold idea, but let's just give it a hearing: perhaps a movie called Transformers could be about the transformers, and not be all about TheBeef and little miss pose a lot.
What can I say? This was barely a movie. It at times seemed like a 2 hour pyrotechnic display. But if you are a child of the 80's, as I am, somehow it all comes together into something vaguely likable. Not the most stunning endorsement, I know.
Entertainment: 5/10
Artistic Value: Are You Kidding Me? (1/10)
Technical Merit: 5/10
Overall: 4/10
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